It just so happened to be Valentine’s Day when Ben Softy went on a first date with Alexandra Lanphier’s best friend. While the two of them had a great time, something didn’t feel quite right. They decided that they would give it a year, and if they were both still single, they’d be each other’s Valentine date again. Fast-forward to the following February 14, and they both definitively agreed they weren’t the one. But she had a suspicion he might be perfect for Alexandra instead.
Alexandra and Ben promptly had their first date on March 5, 2020. Two years later, they were engaged. Ben proposed right inside of their West Village apartment, surrounded by candles and flowers. Once engaged, they celebrated with dirty martinis and truffle pasta before planning their wedding on Glen Lake in Northern Michigan with Sarah Rhodes-Boyce.
The destination was an easy selection for the couple. It’s where Alexandra’s parents met and married and where she grew up summering with her cousins. For the ceremony and rehearsal dinner, she and Ben chose the family cottage her great-great-grandfather built, making them the third generation to marry there. “It meant so much to us that we were able to share our favorite place with our favorite people,” Alexandra adds. “We had handwritten each of our guests notes as a gesture of our appreciation.”
The Friday night welcome party was held at the Glen Lake Yacht Club. “For our aesthetic I wanted to pull from the natural beauty and timelessness of the venue but elevate it,” Alexandra says. She personally created the watercolor crest for the weekend. They enlisted Fields of Flowers North for the florals, and Kate Headley photographed all of the weekend’s picturesque details.
Alexandra’s wedding wardrobe was a mix of “something borrowed, old, and blue.” For the Thursday rehearsal dinner, she donned her cousin’s custom Markarian dress.
The following two days, she wore Lesea Berry dresses to the welcome party and down the aisle. “I had met Lesea Berry a few years before, and when it came to figuring out what I wanted to wear for my wedding, I knew I wanted to work with Lesea. I never even went to try on dresses anywhere else!” Alexandra notes. The bride knew the dress should complement the lakeside backyard ceremony. Lesea drew up a few designs before they found the one—the Over The Moon Exclusive Alex dress with a delicate belted bow and detachable cape.
The bride stayed true to her obsession with antique jewelry and put on antique pieces from her engagement ring to her mother’s necklace. Alexandra finished the look off with a pair of custom Margaux heels, which she wore all night long. Emily Jones applied her makeup, and Colleen Kidd styled her effortless half-up, half-down hairstyle.
The groom sported all custom ensembles from Grey Clothiers and a feather bow tie from Brackish.
On July 29, 2023, guests gathered in Alexandra’s family’s backyard for a laidback, natural, and thoughtful ceremony. The bride walked down the aisle to an incredible violinist from the Jerry Ross Band. One of her cousins officiated, and another cousin and Ben’s sister delivered speeches. From there, the couple shared their own vows. Ben particularly moved Alexandra with his, as the wind gently lifted her veil.
The newlyweds joined their guests for cocktail hour—on a boat. To honor the couple’s zeal for martinis, they had a “Ben’s Tini Bar.”
After a delicious dinner from Catering By Kellys, guests were firmly situated on the dance floor with music playing for hours on end. The groom was a mainstay there, as “Ben lives for the dance floor and the dance floor lives for him,” Alexandra confesses. The Jerry Ross Band led the party in a conga line, which is still one of the most memorable moments of the night. The father of the bride brought a bottle of wine with the couple’s painted crest and passed it around for guests to sign as a keepsake for the couple.
Alexandra’s cousin’s wife made the wedding cake using a family birthday recipe. The bright colored layers were a welcome surprise for guests. The speeches were even sweeter with Alexandra’s father and sister and Ben’s best friend as speakers. “After a full day of managing not to cry, my sister had brought me to tears!” the bride exclaims.
The bride and groom danced to Aretha Franklin’s “You Send Me.” Despite being nervous about dancing in public, Alexandra was grateful she and Ben practiced the day before. A two hour silent disco with 2Bays DJs followed because of the lake noise ordinance. It ended up being one of the absolute best parts of the entire party. “Everyone loved it!” Alexandra grins. “Unfortunately we don’t have photo evidence of it, but that is probably for the best!”
