Friends Hadley Miller and Allison Haber, ladies who’ve logged lots of hours as bridal attendants serving in over 30 weddings between them, are in the process of writing a book proposal where they share their hard-earned expertise—we’re talking about the good, the bad, and the ugly of being a bridesmaid. They call themselves Beyond Bridesmaids, and their motto is: Always a bridesmaid, never a problem! Here, they share their tips for how to ask a friend to be in your wedding.

***

Our newly engaged friends are constantly peppered with “How did your significant other propose?” “Did you cry?” “Was it perfect?” And guess what . . . it’s always perfect, even when it’s not. We once knew a girl that got engaged in an alley, by a dumpster—happiest moment of her life!

But here’s the deal—a bridesmaid is integral part of the wedding and she should get a proposal too. So we turned the tables and asked the same “how did it happen” question to a group of seasoned bridal attendants.

Turns out, some brides are really raising the bar when it comes to asking their friends to be a part of their big day. And although any way you make the request is likely flattering and meaningful, why not make it fun too? For those of you that need, or want, a little help in the creativity department, here are some of our favorites:

The Written Word
These days this is by far the most popular way to ask. Taking the time to hand write a card, poem, or thoughtful note really makes it special. Accompany the card with a mini bottle of Champagne or a framed picture of the two of you from middle school and you have the sweetest and most sentimental bridesmaids’ proposal all wrapped up! Or you can take a more cheeky approach and send your bridesmaids an old school Valentine’s Day card.

Say It With A Gift! 
A little buttering up never hurt anyone. Being a bridesmaid can cost a lot, so right out of the gate, spoil your friends by asking them to be in your wedding with a gift. Send your bridesmaid-to-be a personalized travel bag tag for your destination wedding. Schedule a cookie delivery or a lovely flower arrangement to arrive when she gets home from work. If you want to take it a step further, there are gift box companies popping up all over the place that will help you curate a fun one for your BFFs. Two of our favorites are Quarterlane and Boxfox.

Let’s Call It A Pre-Party 
Host a brunch and invite all of your friends. Yes, your bank account is going to take a hit and this eats up time in your already busy calendar—but this is also a special moment to commemorate, so why not seize the opportunity?

However you decide to pop the question, always remember that simply asking someone to be a bridal attendant is a grand gesture of friendship. Popping the question over the phone, or at happy hour, can be just as memorable. We once knew a girl who asked her sister over Snapchat—she said yes!